Are you familiar with Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory?
While Miserandno’s Spoon Theory resonated with me, Clare Edgerton’s Tightrope Theory more clearly represents what my life has been like for the last handful of years…some days are better that others, some hours are better than others.
Well dear reader, 2019 was pretty much a tightrope walking, low-spoon-every-day kind of year – hence the lack of blog posts. Besides dealing with LAM and holding down a full-time job here is some of what transpired in 2019:
- The unexpected death of a family member with whom I had a very complicated relationship (things were left unsaid, unresolved)
- Two root canals (one in January, the other in May)
- Launching into menopause literally on the heels of my second root canal and all of the physical and emotional changes that entails (cessation of my cycle for half a year and then it showing back up again; major anxiety, insomnia, fatigue and the hot flashes – good lord they tell you but…)
So – my limited number of spoons thanks to LAM were further depleted last year. All of these things are something I should have anticipated but somehow in the back of my mind I still thought ‘How bad can things get?? I got this.’ ‘Many others have it way worse that I do- why should I complain?’
Well, nope, I do not have this. I’m hanging on with the skin of my teeth, and it has really not been a good way to live. While I write this the ‘this is fine’ meme popped into my head and seems like a fitting analogy for how I have been living my life for a very, very long time.
2019 was a wake-up call for me and so now I’ve finally begun to make some changes in my day-to-day life. Who knew that 2020 would become the shit-show that it currently is? The year started with Australia on fire, COVID is currently kicking everyone’s ass, the economy is about to implode – I could go on but who knows what June has in store for us all… but more than ever I’m determined to get this boat turned around and in ship-shape. Part of my plan to find balance includes writing regularly hence the updates to the site (hope you like them!).
During 2020 I plan to continue telling you about my medical history (we were at the part of my story where I was dealing with the impending surgery to remove a rather large and uncomfortable angiomyolipoma from my kidney), and I also want to share more of the bright moments and hard won lessons too!
We are all under an enormous amount of strain but please keep on keepin’ on – it’s always darkest before the light 😉.
Here’s wishing you all unlimited spoons and huge parking lots forever!